So; here I am. I’m told this month’s edition of Semper is loosely based on the theme of Easter. Therefore I guess it makes sense that I’m smack in the middle of Lent. It’s slowly approaching what heathens such as myself might refer to as “Chocolate Day” and I wasn’t even able to deduce for myself that it’s Lent. I struggle with life some days. Scratch that; most days. Rewrite - every…day.
As an assertion of my lack of life skills I haven’t given up jack! I feel as though I should have. That’s what you do with Lent isn’t it?! If I were Catholic, I’d be absolutely rubbish at it. It’s probably richly ironic that I thank (little ‘g’) god regularly that I’m not Catholic.
Avast ye! In honour of Jesus and his dozen minions I’ve compiled a list of things that you shouldn’t give up for Lent. For a special little bit of disrespectful spice I’ve decided to stay in keeping with the wonderment of alliteration as demonstrated to us by the good woman Mary Magdalene. Thusly, I present to you a list ingeniously entitled: ‘Ten Things Beginning With ‘M’ That You Shouldn’t Give Up For Lent’.
10) Magnets. A useful item. I like to use them to affix important information to the refrigerator. Also, the Wiki tells us that magnets are used in VHS tapes (a vital technology), ATM cards (also known as money sticks) and speakers.
9) Mahjong. If, like me, you’ve recently purchased a computer, you’ll have noticed that Microsoft version-something-or-other has Mahjong as one of its games. I’m not sure that my procrastination would be at all successful without the involvement of Mahjong on my computer.
8) Macaroni. A staple food item. I’m sure I’d be sentencing a number of student types to death if I denied them their Mac and Cheese.
7) Mince. See above.
6) Mosquito Repellent. I’m pretty sure I’d be dead without this stuff. Or at the least hauled up in a hospital with a severe case of ‘OMG TINY INSECTS ARE BITING ME REPEATEDLY AND NOW I’M GOING TO DIE’.
5) Mooses. The funniest of the dear-like animals. Followed closely by the caribou.
4) Marxism. I’m a traditionalist student, my politics are leftist so to give up the brilliance of Groucho would be a terrible travesty. Note Well - ignorance intended for comic effect.
3) Marijuana. My whole bedroom smells like it - and before you call the fuzz it’s not on my account. However, I don’t think I’d feel like I was at home without the gentle waft of the sickly scent entering through my windows.
2) Masturbation. I promise you won’t go blind.
1) Mary Magdalene - the band. Hailing from Toowoomba, a small group of chaps with questionable intelligence scream unrecognisable lyrics at depressive teenagers with bad haircuts. I can’t let you live without that magic.
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